As much as I enjoy getting together with friends, I still have a lot of times, especially around holidays, where I really prefer being alone.
When I was growing up, getting together meant “putting on a good face” despite the serious dysfunction of my family.
As I have been sorting out these issues, I have been blessed with lots of “alone” time, to think through exactly what was going on and what it meant.
I am learning to go beyond the coping skills I developed as a child and to gain more understanding of my needs and how to take care of myself as I progress through the work I am doing.
I am learning to effectively put down panic attacks instead of escalating them by worrying about being panicked.
I am learning to place myself in positive situations, along with the fact that I have learned to leave negative or triggering circumstances.
Even though this work has required a lot of isolation, I am grateful for it.
I am grateful for taking the pressure off myself and giving myself the time to process whatever I need to down to the smallest triggering detail.
I am grateful that holidays no longer require me to sacrifice my calm.
There are other ways to celebrate.
I am sorry for the pain I received and I am sorry for any pain I delivered.
As I learn to live better, I hope everyone affected by me is learning to do the same.
© 2017 Kathryn Hardage