Sunday, April 16, 2017

Solitary and Alone

As much as I enjoy getting together with friends, I still have a lot of times, especially around holidays, where I really prefer being alone.

When I was growing up, getting together meant “putting on a good face” despite the serious dysfunction of my family.

As I have been sorting out these issues, I have been blessed with lots of “alone” time, to think through exactly what was going on and what it meant.

I am learning to go beyond the coping skills I developed as a child and to gain more understanding of my needs and how to take care of myself as I progress through the work I am doing.

I am learning to effectively put down panic attacks instead of escalating them by worrying about being panicked.

I am learning to place myself in positive situations, along with the fact that I have learned to leave negative or triggering circumstances.

Even though this work has required a lot of isolation, I am grateful for it.

I am grateful for taking the pressure off myself and giving myself the time to process whatever I need to down to the smallest triggering detail.

I am grateful that holidays no longer require me to sacrifice my calm.

There are other ways to celebrate.

I am sorry for the pain I received and I am sorry for any pain I delivered.

As I learn to live better, I hope everyone affected by me is learning to do the same.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

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