Friday, July 14, 2017

Patience With My Fears

Growing up in a perfectionist household, I was scared to make a mistake.

I learned to be very careful about doing or expressing anything on my own.

As an adult, I am learning that my version of life is OK.

I am taking many tiny steps doing the things that are important to me.

One of the ways that I accomplish this is to set up portions of projects way in advance.

Each tiny step contributes to the moment when I can carry out the project.

At first, I was frustrated and impatient with myself for having to operate this way.

I began telling myself that it was entirely reasonable, considering what I had had to face, to operate in a careful, piecemeal kind of way.

The more compassion I give myself, the more I heal and am able to carry out the things I want to do.

An example is baking banana bread.

First, I made sure which recipe I wanted to use.

I chose the one from “Feed Me, I’m Yours”, the 1977 edition.  I love the picture of the baby before and after feeding.

The I collected the dry ingredients.  Then, a few days later, I measured them and put them in the mixing bowl.

Later, I collected the wet ingredients.  Then measured and mixed them.

I lined the loaf pan and oiled it, poured the batter in, and baked it.

It has turned out absolutely perfect!

In addition to loving eating it hot with butter, I am so relieved that I didn’t beat myself up about my need to do things in tiny steps.

That took so much pressure off me.

It is OK for me to heal in the way that makes sense to me, and for now, tiny steps with patience and compassion are the answer.

© 2017 Kathryn Hardage

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